And then he said…. March 4, 2009

Just a quick post to prove my new found faithfulness to blogging!

About 12:40 today, I was sitting with C. helping him count the circles he was drawing for a number book (1st page of the book is the 1 page. Draw 1 of ANYTHING. Complete the sentence: I have _____ ______________________.) Bless his heart, he always skips 7, so we have to go back every time and count again. When he gets to 6, he cuts his eyes at me to make sure I’m paying attention, and just pauses…. When I’m not paying attention, I just say “7…” When I AM paying attention, I say “ok C….. you said 3, 4, 5, 6…. What comes next?” and after guessing “9? 4? 10? 7?” we move on. But that’s beside the point. While trying to pay attention to C., L. walkes up to me and says,

“I’m tired.”  **ohhhhh kaaaaaayyyyyy…………**

“Me too….” I say.

“Oh….. well. I think I should go home.” he says, grinning.

“hmmmm…… how ’bout in an hour?” I say

“ok.” he says as he walks back to his seat.

WIERDEST conversation of the day for sure!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Only mine for a little while…. March 3, 2009

auggghhh! So sorry for being away so long! Here’s what you’ve missed of my life since Jan. 25th, the last time I blogged! (again. sorry!!!!)

1. We had 2 snow days–mainly that consisted of sitting on the couch reading books, watching movies, and watching Sadie try to avoid stepping in snow. HI-larious!

2. I’ve kept up with my running/jogging/walking/whatever routine. Not as consistently or as enthusastically as at first, but you know.

3. One of my most precious children at school handed me poop. YES. You read correctly! Handed me POOP!  And he’s not a baby either! A 5 year old child HANDED ME POOP! (Let’s just call him….L.) L. was being particularly difficult that day. He is generally a hand full, but that day was especially interesting. He had already had several “outbursts” where he repeated everything I said, screamed at the top of his lungs, laughed uproarishly, and generally made me crazy. He told me he needed to go to the bathroom, but when I told him he could go, he refused, saying he needed me to come stand at the door. As he had already informed me that he “needed to go poopy”, I said heeee-ck no! politely declined. I told him that he needed to be a big boy and go to the bathroom by himself or not go at all. He sat back down on the carpet while I continued to teach. As we were transitioning to our next activity, I and my teacher assistant noticed that L. had his hands down his pants–not altogether uncommon with 5 year old boys, but STILL. GROOOOOSS! He took his hands out of his pants and my teacher assistant and I noticed he had something in his hands. Because he is always putting things in his mouth, as we pretty regularly do, we both said “No L! Give that to me!” WELL…. He did! L. put the poop turd right in our hands!!!!! When we realized the precious gift he gave us, we both freaked out and RAN to wash our hands. OHHHHHHH i just LOVE kindergarteners!!!!

4. Another of my most precious children, D., said a funny the other day. D. is always in need of a little more attention, love, praise, and encouragement. Like most children, he doesn’t really respond well to sharp criticisms, but is really motivated by the knowledge that I care about him. Shocking–I know!! One day during writing, like always, I was trying to encourage him to writing a story (while monitering my other 21 students’ behavior, conferencing with a table of students, and making sure L. didn’t make a run for it while i wasn’t looking). While practically hanging off his chair with his foot on the table (trust me, that was corrected immediately!) he said, “but…. my brain’s not working today. I think I need another one.” Hmmmm…. where to find an extra brain on short notice????????? I pull him out into the hallway and with a very serious face I said, “well D…. I have a brain you  might be able to use, but you have to promise to take good care of it and give it back as soooon as yours is back up and running”. He, with an equally serious face, nods furiously as he said “ok….. It won’t be long before mine will be working again”. I do my mom’s famous slurp noise as I put my head on my head, then again as I put my hand on D’s head. He scurries back inside (as fast as his untied shoelaces allow–I fixed that too!) and within minutes says, “your brain works real good, Mrs. G. Can I keep it??”.

I could go on FOREVER with the funny things my kids say and do. I, like a lot of teachers, get tired somedays and forget why I got into teaching in the first place. And let me tell YOU! it was not so I could wrangle poop out of a kid’s hands, but gosh! Who else can tell stories like that? So today, I wanted to remind myself that my precious kidos are only mine to cherish, nurture, love, make them laugh, laugh with them, hug, and teach them to love learning and love life for this little while. These children that have cleaved to my heart and will forever be a part of me won’t be “mine” forever. I need to hold them tighter with each hug, love them more each day, have more patience when they’re driving me crazy, listen harder and longer to every tidbit and story that seems so ill-timed and inconvenient at that exact moment, and just realize how short my time is with my precious ones. Even my poop-handling L. :0)

More funny stories about my kids to come. I promise!!!!!!!!!!!!

More than a Savior… January 25, 2009

I’m a terrible blogger. I appologize for my long absence from the blog world. There is not excuse! But we must press onward!

With both a million things swirling in my head and quietness in my soul, I wanted to share some recent discoveries about myself.

Par for the course, the Lord has been speaking to me from every direction and I think I finally slowed down yesterday long enough to listen.

Last week, the dear ministries pastor at our church, Renovatus in Charlotte, NC (look up the podcasts on iTUNES!!!) introduced the justice project to our congregation. We will be adopting a fragile neighborhood in Charlotte for 1 year, pouring resources, time, fellowship, care, willing hands, etc to both provide for the needs of the people in that community as called  by the Lord, but to hopefully provide them with the knowledge, resources, and support escape the cycle of poverty.  While she introduced this project, she spoke about 3 pitfalls of spirituality–spiritual eating disorders, if you will.

Spiritual Anorexia: Just not “eating” enough–not partaking in community, being in the presence of the Lord, whatever. The result is spiritual malnurishment–there is simply not enough of the Lord in your life.

Spiritual Morbid Obesity: Going long periods without being the presence of the Lord and among the body of believers, and then in a desperate moment, gorging on God. The result of this one is that your spiritual muscle, gained from consistent “exercise” and eating is depleated and you become all fatty spiritually, with fat outweighing the muscle.

and the one I most identified with…

Spritual Bulemia: When you ingest someone else’s revelation from God. There is a difference between taking someone else’s word and actually receiving your own revelation from God. When you recieve someone else’s word, you take in so much that you practically throw it back up, not giving you enough nourishment to sustain you. When you regularly feed yourself with revelation from God, you can take it in bit by bit, prayer by prayer, and recieve the nourishment you need.

So last week I took great notes at church, discussed it in passing with Jason, but never really ate it all up. I wasn’t able to ingest it and let it be the nourishment I needed because it wasn’t word I had tarried over and accepted from the Lord myself. Now don’t get me wrong. There is definite value in going to church to recieve “the word from the Lord” as given to you by the pastor. The value in it is not what the pastor says, but what the Lord says to you specifically while the pastor is giving you the word.

Moving on…. this week was interesting in that I had Monday off for MLK jr. day, Tuesday was a snow day, then I went to school Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday was a work day. Now you’d think that with all that time off I would be spending so much time with the Lord and just be filled with the spirit, walking in his ways…..not so much. Spiritually, it was a pretty terrible week. I didn’t want to spend time with Him. I avoided it like the plague. Sometimes I get in these funks where I know there’s so much wrong in my spirit, but the longer I go without spending time in the word and in prayer, the harder it is to get back to it. I felt unneeded, unwanted, like I wasn’t a good wife, teacher, friend, etc. So after talking some of these things through with Jason, I was just so discouraged that I hadn’t spent time with the Lord and knew–just knew–that it was the only way to get things right again. But did I take time. Of course not!!!!! (when will I ever learn??)

Then Saturday we went to a Renovare conference our church was hosting here in Charlotte.  In one of my “I’m not important and needed” moments earlier in the week, I emailed our pastor’s wife and asked if there was anything I could do to help on Saturday, so I was assigned to help sell books in the bookstore. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was dreading even going and regretting volunteering to do a job. Regardless, being the responsible people-pleaser that I am, I showed up anyway (at 7:15 am no less!) at the bookstore, ready to help. By this time, I was sort of glad to have a job so I would have an excuse to leave the sessions a little early and be able to hide away somewhere. I had some school-work to do in case I needed further excuse to not commit to the spiritual formation I really needed. Against my intended results, I really enjoying the sessions–full of worship from our fabulously talented musicians from church, powerful speakers, and ample snacks. By the 3rd session when we were asked to practice the Spiritual Formation groups we had just discussed, I was tired of holding it all together. I briefly considered continuing to “keep it all together” and not share how I really felt, but knew in my spirit that I needed to confess, even if I couldn’t confess it to Jesus just yet, to someone. Amazingly enough (but not so surprising, as amazing as the Lord is), I was in a group with dear, sweet sisters in the Lord I have known for some time. Again, I considered “keeping it together”, but couldn’t hold my angst inside any more. I told them how I felt empty, how I hadn’t invested enough time communing with the Lord, how I could hold things together in front of people at work, but as soon as I got home to my wonderful husband, I would be filled with inexplicable anger, frustration, and unhappiness. As I knew they would, they reassured me that I was not a “bad person” or fallen off the wagon, but just experiencing a dip in this constant struggle to remain on the path of God. I let it go at that, nodded and smiled. When we each began to pray for one another, I couldn’t even form words to say. My heart was seemingly frozen. Then, each with the Lord’s beautiful words of comfort and reassurance, they prayed for me. Amanda prayed a beautiful vision she saw, a picture of my smiling and happy in a frame of broken glass. Broken glass of my relationships, work, ambitions, dreams–all shattered and not fitting together to allow the beauty and happiness of ME to be seen. I was finally able to pray after that, but not all the words that were in my heart, I knew. We returned to our seats as the next session began. I slipped out to go to the bathroom, still at war within myself, but not recognizing the only solution. I returned to the session and as the band was finishing the last song and the speaker returned to the stage, I could hold in my tears no longer. I just cried. Slightly embarrassed to be crying my eyes out at the back of the auditorium, I grabbed my stuff and left the session. I thought about going to the bathroom to get some tissue, thinking I would be able to stop crying and come back to the session. Then I realized the only place I needed to be. I went to the prayer room set up from the 24-7 prayer room, avoiding prying glances from those I passed. I cried. and cried. and cried. Still distraught, I was finally able to put words to the tears, I confessed the distance I had created by not dwelling in his presence, the inadequacies I was plagued by, the fears I hadn’t told anyone. I texted Jason, asking him to come pray with me. With his words, the Lord’s calming presence fell upon me. I was able to breathe easily. I remained in the prayer room for the remainder of the session, just breathing him in.

All this to say, I grew up believing that knowing Jesus as my savior was enough. That the goal of a relationship with him was to escape hell and spend eternity with Him in heaven. I know this to be false now. Good Lord. If God’s only goal in sending Jesus to earth was to save us from hell, I’d think he would have found a less costly way. He sent his son because he wanted us to have an example of how to be close to Him, the Father. Jesus came to show us, to be an example of the way to know the Father. I wish I knew where, but Jesus says, “Where I am, there you will be also…” and earlier, Jesus is “close to the Father’s heart”. Jesus is close to the Father’s heart,  so we can be close to the Father’s heart, too. He taught us how to be close to the Father’s heart. On this earth, he was constantly sneaking away to be with his Father. If Jesus the Son of God– perfect, and without sin– needed to have time with his Father, I CERTAINLY DO!!!!!! i no longer want Jesus to only be my savior. I want him to be my closest friend, my example of how to be close to the Father’s heart.

knots in my stomach December 27, 2008

I just finished reading a book yesterday, Dirty Blonde, that most likely unintentionally on the author’s part, really spoke to me.

To summarize, in this book, young, 30-something Cate Fante, was recently appointed to be a federal judge. In the midst of a trial where a man was sueing a hollywood type for stealing an idea he had for a television show, Cate was caught with a secret. She consistently picked up men in seedy bars and slept with them. Not illegal, but probably not conduct fitting for a judge. Meanwhile, the man that was suing the hollywood type supposedly killed the hollywood type and then killed himself. A detective investigating the murder/suicide thinks Cate killed both men and investigates her whereabouts for the night of the incidents and months prior. In the process he finds out about her secret sex life and to punish her for what he thinks she did, he tells the world. Her secret is leaked to the press and within 24 hours, her entire life is shattered by the whole world knowing her dirty secret, and she is asked to resign from her position as judge. Through the events of the novel, Cate figures out who really did kill the two men, comes to terms with her secret and moves on and is reinstated to her job as judge. 

The thing that got me about this book is that yes, Cate had a secret she didn’t want anyone to know. But though circumstances beyond her control, her secret got out and she had to deal with it. Now, her friend also had a secret, but one she freely disclosed to her. Regardless of how the secrets were revealed, they were revealed none the less, and to the benefit of both women, who were able to deal with their secrets with the help and support of friends.

Now. To the part that puts knots in my stomach. I have a secret. One that I struggle with daily. One that I fight to not let anyone know about.

I am overweight. I want to lose weight. But I feel defeated and like I can’t. I choose to eat; when I’m not hungry, to celebrate, to comfort myself, when I’m bored, etc. I think about food; what I’m going to cook for dinner, where I’m going to shop with the most convenience to a snack, etc.

SO…. my secret isn’t that I’m overweight. You can see that just by looking at me. My secret is that I do not make decisions that support my goal to lose weight. And I desperately want to.

Sometimes I’ll look at myself in the mirror and get good and disgusted with how I look and I’ll make a change for a few days. Then I’m right back to making bad choices.  I lie to myself, to my mom, to Jason. I tell myself and them that I’m trying. But I’m really not.  And why not? I can’t answer that. I don’t know.

I’ve heard other people that have lost significant amounts of weight recount that they came to a certain point where they just decided to stop slowly killing themselves by eating compulsively and start making choices to save their life. I’ve come to that point. And I need you, the people that love and care about me, to know about it. I want to lose weight. I want to be the healthiest version of myself. And I might need your encouragement. I most definitely need your prayers. And I need you to ask me how I’m doing and not accept “it’s going ok”. I love you all!!!!!!

much love,

t.g.

Can I ask a favor?? November 11, 2008

In my spare time (I laugh when I type that, just so you know!) I really like to read blogs…. Something about peoples’ lives is just INTERESTING, you know? My problem? I don’t know how to FIND said intereting blogs. Do you have a blog? Do you know of an interesting one? Please tell me about it! I’d love to participate in the telling of your story!

That’s all.

Thanks! =)

~t.g.

The story behind the blog… November 8, 2008

It’s story time with T! I realized today that I never fully explained the title of my blog….. So here ya go!

 

Once upon a time, there was this girl. She grew up in the church, with parents who provided not only for her basic human needs, but taught her to love God and to love people. This girl went off to college, met this guy, and they got married. (Stay with me, now! Here comes the good part!) While this girl had grown up to have faith, she never really understood that faith needed to be applied to all parts of her life. Silly, but true. Her faith had been about missions trips, going to church, volunteering for just about everything. But REALLY, TRULY, committing to a life of fellowship with God? Not so much. Not purposefully, of course, but a reality none the less. Through a beautiful church family, deep and profound friendships based on the love of Christ, real life opportunities to pour love into people in her life, and a strengthened relationship with her Christ-following, faithful, loving husband, the girl realized that a life founded in Christ was not only life-enriching, but necessary.

 

So this girl began to realize that life was richer, fuller, and everything more brilliant with Christ dwelling richly in her heart and in every part of her life. More importantly, she realized that this kind of life was impossible without the Holy Spirit guiding her, the Father loving her, and the Son redeeming her. IMPOSSIBLE. Over several days, the girl connected several passages together…

 

Proverbs 3:5-7

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
   and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
   and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
   fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

 

Psalm 37:1-7

1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
   be not envious of wrongdoers!
2 For they will soon fade like the grass
   and wither like the green herb.

3 Trust in the LORD, and do good;
   dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
     trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
   and your justice as the noonday.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
   fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
   over the man who carries out evil devices!

 

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

 

The girl paid particular attention to the instructions for man, and the promises of the Father. The instructions were not to take hold of the future, secure your own way, bully your way to success. NO! The Lord’s instructions, or commands even, were to TRUST, AKNOWLEDGE, DELIGHT, and DWELL with HIM! And His promises—even more amazing! MAKE OUR PATHS STRAIGHT, GIVE US THE DESIRES OF OUR HEARTS, ACT ON OUR BEHALF! This is the heart of the Father! Even further, in Matthew, Jesus himself told his followers to trust that the Father will provide all that we need—food, shelter, and clothing. The girl loved the imagery of lilies of the field—not lilies nurtured, fed, grown by human hands, but lilies planted by the touch of God’s hand—so beautifully formed and kept without needing to work for their beauty…. She loved it so much that she wanted to be reminded daily of her need to fully depend on the Father for everything. And thus a blog was born!

 

So there you have it. And of course, I am that girl–the girl who is richly blessed by the love of her Father, relishing the redemption of the Son, and feasting on the guidance of the Spirit. The girl who certainly doesn’t have it all together. The very girl, in fact, who gets blinded by emotions and frustrations and forgets why I am where I am on a regular basis. I’m THAT girl.

Thankful for the little things…. November 8, 2008

So I realized this week that it’s November… Shocking, I know. You’d think somehow changing the page on my calendar, 1st quarter ending, having to turn the heat on at the house, etc.,  would have clued me in, but no. NEWS FLASH! It’s NOVEMBER!

All in the same moment, I realized that I was really thankful for a whole, whole, whole lot. And while I am very thankful for the “biggies”–family, friends, generally good health, etc, there are so many LITTLE things–things that could easily be overlooked– that I am thankful for as well. Here are a few…

1. A quiet house

2. snoozing on the couch with a warm blanket and a movie

3. sleeping late (anything after 8 am is late!)

4. surprise, rear-attack hugs from Jas

5. getting a letter in the mail

6. Sadie’s snores

7. the anticipation of the holidays

8. easy camaraderie between friends

9. generosity

10. familiarity with the servers at our favorite restaurant

11. my parents’ consistent love, care, and worry, even as an adult

12. text messaging

13. a full schedule—never time to feel sorry for myself

14. children so full of love, energy, enthusiasm, and joy that leave me exhausted at the end of the day

Why wait until Thanksgiving to express your thankfulness? I challenge you to think of the LITTLE things in your life that you are thankful for. Every day, to thank GOD for the things that drive you a little crazy, the people you can’t live with or live without, the steady flow of life. Those things are worth stopping to examine.

just so you know…. November 1, 2008

If I were to re-write the song “my favorite things” from sound of music (though it’s so classic that I almost hate to do that), here’s how mine would go. And you have to sing it to get the full effect!!!

Friends for forever and Saturday lunches;
delicious ice cream and Jul’s growing belly;
Tall buildings all around on autumn days;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Precocious children and happy school days;
Bright wide-eyed faces and books read with laughter;
Discovering the world through their sweet eyes;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Precious friends with loving smiles and perfect hugs;
Used bookstores with funny smells and forgotten books;
Tucking away with my nose in a book;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the phone’s dead,
When the night’s dark,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad!

Good song writing? Probably not. Good life? Absolutely! Why do I get so overwhelmed with the day-to-day stresses that we forget the unmistakable gifts from God? This weekend has just been one of those that helps me remember how amazing life really is. Regardless of the stress. Regardless of the sometimes frustrating people that make me what to scream. Regardless of everything! God is good! Life is good!!!!!!!!!!

Just out of curiousity? What song would YOU like to re-write???

 

Top 10 Reasons I KNOW it’s Fall October 19, 2008

10. hoodie sweatshirts. enough said.

9. I have the sudden urge to make chili or soup. Like tonight–Chicken tortilla soup!

8. Instead of shorts and t-shirts, my kids start coming to school wearing heavy-duty coats that would sustain normal body temperatures at the north pole.  But 55 degrees in Charlotte, NC…. that’s okay too!

7. My all-purpose, trusty rainbows have to retire to the closet for a while…. sad day.

6. I can stand outside at recess and not sweat through every layer of clothing I’m wearing.

5. I would rather stay in bed than get out and brave the cold floor… oh wait. that’s every day!

4. My mom and dad’s birthdays–both in October.

3. Jason and I start thinking about going up to Western Carolina (His Alma Mater) for a football game….well, actually the band. Much more interesting than the game!

2. I’m ready to drink hot coffee again instead of iced versions from all summer.

AND…. the number 1 reason I love fall…………. (drum roll please……….

1. THE LEAVES!!!!!!!! crunching, raking, jumping, falling, redening (the process of becoming red… yeah. work with me here!)…. all! SO wonderful!!!!!!!!!!

so it’s your turn!!!! How do you KNOW it’s finally fall???? I’d love to hear your thoughts!!!!!! =)

beginnings… October 12, 2008

How momentous! My first blog…. Somehow the beginnings of things always seem to catch my attention. Like the beginning will eternally influence the outcome, or the process by which the outcome is born. Regardless, we must begin. I love the beginning of the school year the most of all beginnings. Fresh school supplies, clean waxed floors, the hush of quiet hallways, the complete order of my classroom, the anticipation of what my students will be like, if they will like me, if I will like them, prayers covering every square inch their precious hands will touch…. No matter the time or place or circumstance, somehow the freshness always seems to wear away… like in my classroom now, the crayons are becoming a little dull, the floor has already seen it’s fair share of spills, my illusions of the perfection of my students has faded, for sure! But regardless of the shinyness of my beginning fading, a more precious feeling emerges…. one of comfort, of stability, of belonging. I no longer see hesitant faces tip-toeing to my door encouraged by a big brother or sister, or uncertainty when they talk to me. I cherish the familiarity of our routine; our crazy, hectic, never-enough-time-in-the-day routine, but our routine none the less. I can’t wait to hear what amazing thing happened to them the night before. My days would not be complete without the rushed hug before they scramble onto the bus. My heart minute-by-minute is overflowing with prayers for their safety, that they would gather knowledge from every activity, that they would grow through the love poured out for them daily. Their faces flash across my heart at random. The silly things they say make me laugh out loud when I would rather cry out “God. This is too much for one little kindergarten teacher to handle!” Yes. The newness, our beginning, has faded a bit. But it has left in its place its most precious long lost cousin. LOVE.